~Old dude~
One cold winter morning in the beach house on a lonely island, Jim was woken to the sound of the waves shattering as they hit the freezing sand. The house was quiet and lonely until the sound of creaky old floorboards filled the house. Jim a single dad with 3 kids that is 48 that has very wrinkled skin and loves taking photos of himself. He lived in a house with Rob a 17 year old male that loves soccer, Lilly a 16 year old female that left High School. JIm also has another child Rilly a 22 year old Female that works from her own house and really doesn't like her dad because of the amount of photos he takes everyday. All his kids talked online to each other over a group chat. Rilly lived on the other side of the island and only came over for birthdays and holidays, other than that she stayed home working on her next big idea.
Rob had a soccer game that morning so he left after he had eaten something. He yelled goodbye as he slammed the straw door on his way out. Lilly also had something to eat then left, she yelled out “ I’m going to a friends house be, back later” JIm tried to catch her before she left but she had already gotten in her friend's car. While Jim was trying to find the best lighting for his photo he saw that outside there was a perfect spot of light. He got all excited like a little girl on christmas morning.
As he ran down he ran down the beach house stairs to the spot on the beach. He jumped over surfboards and dodged small kids running around. He finally got to the spot, I look so good in this lighting he thought to himself while taking over 30 photos. Then he got up and started to walk in the way of his house before he tripped and fell on his face, people laughed at him as he got up. People taking photos said “ oh my gosh I’m posting this” Jim stood up to see a man about 30 laughing at him saying “ I have to post this” Jim looked him dead in the eye and said “ No I must look so bad and my followers wont want to see me looking so ugly in the sand. If you post that I will PUNCH you so DELETE IT NOWWWW”.The man looked at him and laughed and still went on getting closer to posting it before POW Jim punched him dead in the nose. Everyone gasped as the man fell to the ground. As Jim walked off he smiled thinking to himself hahahaha I win.
About four days later Jim was going through SpaceFace as he saw that the video of him punching that guy had gone viral. Jim head kids screaming out “ JIM JIM JIM JIM” as Jim looked out the window and saw many people outside with posters and cardboard cutouts of him. Jim was amazed and so were Rob and Lilly. By the end of the night the crowds were gone and they all settled down by having some ice cream on the deck.
By Izzy
Kia Ora Izzy, Greg here.
ReplyDeleteYour story is great, and has a lot of detail that helps me to create a picture in my head of where your story is set.
I would never have imagined someone as strong as Jim to be the kind of person that takes pictures of themselves constantly, but it's a breath of fresh air form the stereotypical bodybuilder. Great job.
Although, your introduction should introduce your setting and characters, in a single paragraph. Your first paragraph introduces your setting, and then your following two paragraphs explain more characters. This organisation of paragraphs makes your story very hard to follow.
Thanks,
Gregory.